You seem to have lost interest in me? Why so soon? I thought you were into everything I had to give you, everything I had to offer, but it has clearly been shown that I was mistaken. Your feelings seemed to have dwindled down to a very fine line. I don't know what to say to change your mind. I had made my feelings very direct and clear. I allowed you to enter with one single knock, and that, that right there, was my fault. My fault to let my guard down, and quickly as possible, to give you the chance I didn't give you before. I was robbed. You had stolen the masque that shades me from the world I cannot consume. I was misled. You told me things. Things that I only dreamed of hearing someone tell me. I was cheated. Cheated out of something that was never really there to begin with. I'm sick of playing this never ending game of hide and seek with you. For I never win because you never began to look. I hear you counting down to the time in which we will find eachother, and I await anxiously. But you never arrived. And so here I am mangled and brusied, inside out, but you turned out to be just like the others. Another tally of disappointment, and I am far from settling the score.

  posted by the devil @ 11:49 PM

 
I have finally made the decision that will change my life...I have decided to move back home. And yet through all of this craziness and serious thinking about this situation that has confronted me, the decison I have made has not affected anyone. Now why is that? I thought certain people would be happy that I was moving and others would be upset at the fact, but in the observation that I have concluded, it does not appear to be so. I have notice that first off, my mother doesn't seem too excited...go figure. I though out of anyone who wanted this more than me it would be her. Not exactly. It seems as though she is trying to give some sort of explination for me to stay put. I, on the other hand, do not want to. Secondly, my so-called friends, you know the ones, show no feeling toward the decision that I have made as well. And then you would think the person that you really want to be happy about your return, would actually show it, but once again the answer is no. I suppose I could be making a huge deal out of nothing, seeing as how I tend to do such a thing, and maybe things would change when I actually get back. I would like to work things out with this guy. Things have been pretty shitty between us, but I'm hoping that will all change once I'm "back in the game". I would like to make that camio impression when I do move back, you know the one. Where you show up looking like hot shit and everyone wants you? yeah thats the one, I plan to master that entrance and hopefully things will work out....you know, just like the movies. Some fucking image I have made for myself that, of course, will NEVER happen. It's all too perfect and we know how I feel about perfection.

"and you've washed your hands clean."~~ Alanis Morrisette

  posted by the devil @ 11:47 PM

 
"I wanted to be like you. I wanted everything. So I tried to be like you. And I got swept away. I didn't know that it was so cold. And you needed someone to show you the way. So I took your hand and we figured out That when the tide comes, I'd take you away. If you want to I can save you I can take you away from here. So lonely inside So busy out there. And all you wanted was somebody who cares. I'm sinking slowly
So hurry hold me. Your hand is all I have to keep me hanging on. Please can you tell me So I can finally see, Where you go when you're gone. If you want to I can save you. I can take you away from here. So lonely inside So busy out there. And all you wanted was somebody who cares." ~~ Michelle Branch


  posted by the devil @ 11:40 PM

 
what ever happend to that saying friends don't let friends drive drunk? I don't think people take that shit too seriously anymore, I mean when you get older you are supposed to get wiser not turn into a drunkin jack-ass. And I also want to know who these so-called friends are that let you get away with this shit? I know that I would never get into a car with someone, no matter what, if they were too drunk to drive...and admitted it! WHAT THE SHIT IS THAT?!?!?!?! I don't think that some of my friends understand the meaning of turning 21. I know that to them it means that you are finally allowed to drink legally, even though we had been doing it for almost a decade prior, but it's also taking on a great responsibility, that I'm not sure most of these kids are ready to do. (they would kick my ass if they knew that I called them a kid, seeing as I am one of the youngest. HA!) And who the hell do these people think they are when they are wasted??? Obviously not themselves, but to make matters worse they think there are "the smartest man alive!!"...shit,think again dumb fuck.
Part 2 of my venting manifesto continues with the topic, once again, of stupid-ass boys! When the FUUUCK are they gonna learn the rules here?!?!?!?! Seriously, I would like to know who the HELLL acts like a complete idiot in a bar purposely? Hey! I know someone! It's fucking numb nuts over here! I swear just cause you are talking to someone of the opposite sex and your BF or FB, (you firgure it out) sees it doesn't mean shit, but to them it means "it's on!" What fucking ass of a boy talks to some nasty-ass, fat, ugly looking bitch, who is trying to play the role of coyote ugly, but really only fits the ugly part, while standing purposely infront of his girl?? OOOH! PICK ME! PICK ME! WHAT AN IDIOT! AND THEN...he tries to play it out by telling her, with this loud ass voice, "yeah, so I'll call you later." knowing DAMN well he isn't, but does it JUST to piss me off any-fuckin-way. MORON! Boys Boys!! Advice time. I would like to entitle it, What Is and What Should Never Be Done...Led Zepplin once wrote a song about it. It's very simple, infact it's much too simple, are you ready for this?? OK...this is one of those things that should NEVER be done. Damn dude!

"I can't let you get the best of me"~~Mya

  posted by the devil @ 1:48 PM

 
real friends are the hardest thing to come by and even when you find them they are the hardest ones to keep. I guess I don't really know who my friends are anymore. all I ever hear is bullshit bullshit, and so forth. I don't understand why people, people who are supposed to be some of your closest, best friends of your life, stab you in the back, or better yet....in the front. I guess that's the trade mark of a "true" friend, they will always stab you in the front. It just baffles me how people don't care about anything but themselves. Or that their entire life revovles around the opportunity of drama. It's almost like you don't even have to do anything, not one single thing, and they are talking shit. I guess the saying about flies buzzing in your ears symbolizes people talking shit about you behind your back. I get my kicks out of flirting with hot ass boys, or shopping for fun things like make-up, while others get there's out of shit shit SHIT talking. I believe in the philosopy that with age comes knowledge but for some people they have not "grown up" so therefore their lack of knowledge still remains in the gutter. It's very unfortunate because the smart one always ends up on top. I look at my so-called "best-friends" and I see the 4 girls that I once knew in high school turn sketchy, shadey, and fake. They don't care about things that don't invite conflict. It's funny cause in the end you learn real quick who is there and who is not.

"when the world turns it's back on you, you turn your back on the world."~~ Timon

  posted by the devil @ 10:21 PM

 
I wonder what it would be like to live someone else's life? Every once in a while I hear things like, "Your skin is perfect!" "You have a wonderful complexion." or "you are so pretty", but that doesn't matter. It's all an appearance, an act, a mask to shade myself from the shit society likes to dish out. Do people every wonder what it's like to feel what others feel? To walk a day in the shoes of someone else? I always wanted to be someone, anyone, but myself. I could never do it. I always thought people would never accept me for who I really was. It was always stuck in my mind that if I wanted to be anything I would have to change everything and be the someone that people expected. Nobody every expected me to get up and walk out on all my family and friends, and leave them behind. I just couldn't live that life anymore. But even after all of this time I am still right back where I was before I even left. I always wondered why THOSE boys never wanted me when I wanted them. Or why THOSE girls never accepted me until I started to wear Tiffany's. The image that has been portrayed is all meaningless and full of shit. I mean who makes up these obscure rules about who gets to have this immaculate life and who doesn't? I guess it's time for me to squash the image and start a new. Time to go back and face the music that I, from time to time, tend to hear playing in the back of my mind. I have a wondering mind, and I always play the role just opposite of what society creates for me. But deep down, all the way to the bottom of my soul, I still want to play the leading role of the girl who I could never be. I know that I have tons of good things constantly going for me, but I want it all. I want to be the sun, the moon, and the stars all at once. Or is it that I want to be the sun, the moon, and the stars to someone else? Once again these are all questions that are unanswerable and out of my reach. In the long run, those boys don't matter, they never cared to begin with. And in the long run, those girls are nothing but the fake people that constantly roam this earth insearch of something they will never find....so fuck off already!! And as far as I go, I CAN be the sun, the moon, and the stars the real problem is finding someone to share all of that with.

"I'm searching for things I can't even see, why don't you come and be with me? I pretend to be cool with me want to believe that I can do it on my own without my heart on my sleeve. I'm running I'm running catch up with me life. Where is the love I'm looking to find? It's all in me, can't you see? I can see. Why can't you see, it's all in me."~~~ Nelly Furtado

  posted by the devil @ 8:32 PM

 
AAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! I miss the fuckin' kid like crazy!!!! I wish I could see him and be with him right this second. I'll tell you...this shit sucks so bad! Advice to the viewers: don't you ever, for one second, have a relationship with someone you could never see on a daily basis...cause it FUCKING SUCKS!

"wild horses couldn't take me away"~~ The Sundays

  posted by the devil @ 10:22 PM